Healthy Embarrassment
I felt like I was about to pass out. Sweat dripped down my forehead, eyeliner was running, and my face was as red as the stop sign that seemed to wave hazily in the distance. My pause was rewarded with a meaningful side-eye.
It's one thing to be absolutely rubbish at the activity you're pursuing, and it's 100,000,000,000,000 times worse to be that way and look bad while doing it.
"I need to stop for a minute. I look awful. People might see me."
"Nobody cares what you look like. They're not thinking about you. Keep going," Pat, friend and fitness tormentor, barked.
I wrestled with my self-deprecating thoughts, but kept up the burpee momentum - smack dab in the middle of a park, for all to see. Looking like an absolute clueless train wreck. That was late 2018. That memory came to the forefront of my mind just the other day, thanks to Spotify.
Some time ago, friend of mine proposed I evaluate the start of each day by determining the top 10 things I wanted to accomplish before 10 a.m. Having piled up an exorbitant number of episode suggestions from generous podcast fans, I tackled listening via Spotify during morning prep.
A particular episode of 10 Percent Happier with Dan Harris (hit the 14:30 mark of episode #197 and keep going) expanded on the idea of healthy embarrassment.
For months, Pat reminded me that progress can often improve with the help of a community. I argued that my absolute shame over not being stronger or faster would weaken recently achieved PRs.
I know logically that I should seek like-minded people to purposefully grow. I love spending time with people to network and hang out. I just don't like having to tackle the unknown with ... um, the unknown (people). When motivated, I would check "Interested" on multiple Facebook events from Happy's Running Club, Varsity Sports and more - and when the day finally came, showed up to none. Because what if I go and then just plain wreck myself?
Koshin Paley Ellison calls the journey of healthy embarrassment an act of "allowing ourselves to share where we've gone - from reflection, to shame, to healthy embarrassment".
I personally feel that I've hit the wall between shame and healthy embarrassment. What happens after you find awareness of the issue? How does one embrace the healthy side of embarrassment? I do the Nike "just do it" thing, but it doesn't necessarily lead to consistency.
I don't have the answers - but maybe some of you do. Please share!
It's one thing to be absolutely rubbish at the activity you're pursuing, and it's 100,000,000,000,000 times worse to be that way and look bad while doing it.
"I need to stop for a minute. I look awful. People might see me."
"Nobody cares what you look like. They're not thinking about you. Keep going," Pat, friend and fitness tormentor, barked.
I wrestled with my self-deprecating thoughts, but kept up the burpee momentum - smack dab in the middle of a park, for all to see. Looking like an absolute clueless train wreck. That was late 2018. That memory came to the forefront of my mind just the other day, thanks to Spotify.
Some time ago, friend of mine proposed I evaluate the start of each day by determining the top 10 things I wanted to accomplish before 10 a.m. Having piled up an exorbitant number of episode suggestions from generous podcast fans, I tackled listening via Spotify during morning prep.
A particular episode of 10 Percent Happier with Dan Harris (hit the 14:30 mark of episode #197 and keep going) expanded on the idea of healthy embarrassment.
For months, Pat reminded me that progress can often improve with the help of a community. I argued that my absolute shame over not being stronger or faster would weaken recently achieved PRs.
I know logically that I should seek like-minded people to purposefully grow. I love spending time with people to network and hang out. I just don't like having to tackle the unknown with ... um, the unknown (people). When motivated, I would check "Interested" on multiple Facebook events from Happy's Running Club, Varsity Sports and more - and when the day finally came, showed up to none. Because what if I go and then just plain wreck myself?
Koshin Paley Ellison calls the journey of healthy embarrassment an act of "allowing ourselves to share where we've gone - from reflection, to shame, to healthy embarrassment".
I personally feel that I've hit the wall between shame and healthy embarrassment. What happens after you find awareness of the issue? How does one embrace the healthy side of embarrassment? I do the Nike "just do it" thing, but it doesn't necessarily lead to consistency.
I don't have the answers - but maybe some of you do. Please share!
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| Embarrassing moment, documented for the history books. |
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